“I do love Texas guns laws tho! Pretty excited”
- Noted gun enthusiast and lover of killing animals Chris Kaman on Twitter, after signing with Dallas.

Yeah, there’s nothing better than obliterating a defenseless animal……

“The same [as] when I left it. You guys still look the same, so what the hell.”
- Dennis Rodman, when he was asked by a local reporter how he found the Philippines on his second trip to the country playing in the PLDT All-Star Challenge.

That may be the best quote ever.

“It’s hard to find a woman when you talented and black…”
- Milwaukee’s Brandon Jennings on Twitter.

I wouldn’t have thought so. But I’d imagine that it’s hard to find a woman if you’re a douchebag.

“I’m not stupid, I don’t think I can go for 20 every night anymore, but I do believe I can go for 20 on any given night.”
- The unsigned Jermaine O’Neal.

It’s 2012 Jermaine, not 2007 (his last decent year).

“This summer has kind of been, I don’t know what the word is other than foolish. I just think there’s some wild and crazy mentalities going on out there.”
- Denver coach George Karl, on how teams have been spending in the offseason.

It’s good to see that someone on the ‘inside’ can recognise the absurdity of it all.

“Poison pill? That’s a tic tac for James Dolan.”
- Toronto’s Landry Fields, referring to the $15 million final year offered to Jeremy Lin by Houston. James Dolan is the Knicks owner.

Classic.

“It’s not up to me. It’s up to the organization to say they want to match that ridiculous contract that’s out there.”
- New York’s Carmelo Anthony during free agency, when he was asked if the Knicks should keep Jeremy Lin.

True, but you never say that about your teammate. And has he looked at his own ‘ridiculous’ contract?

“Without a doubt. I think some guys take it personal, because they’ve been doing it longer and haven’t received any reward for it yet. I think it’s a tough subject to touch on for a lot of guys.”
- New York’s J.R. Smith, when asked if Lin’s contract could cause a challenging dynamic in the locker room (if the Knicks brought him back).

J.R. has earned roughly $25 million in his career thus far (he’s probably blown it all though), so what the hell is he talking about?

“Honestly, I preferred New York.”
- Houston’s Jeremy Lin, after signing with the Rockets.

Of course he would.

“I’m just disappointed. He should have stayed. We recruited him just as hard. We talked. It was a good talk…I thought he should have stayed with us. He had his reasons for leaving and I guess he’ll express those with you guys….No (I didn’t agree with his reasons) but that doesn’t matter. I just wish we could have found a way and we didn’t.”
- Boston coach Doc Rivers on Ray Allen’s departure.

Sour grapes. Doc, you did try and trade him the last two years. He had every right to leave.

“His mind is not there in Portland. Out of that meeting with the Blazers (on Thursday), we hoped they would allow him to live his dream. The best case scenario is a sign-and-trade and we understand that. Hopefully, Paul Allen would never stand in the way of his dream to play for the Timberwolves,”
- Nicolas Batum’s agent, Bouna Ndiaye, trying to convince Portland to let Batum walk to Minnesota in free agency.

His “dream” to play for the Timberwolves? Is he kidding?

“I guess he’s into mosquito bites and frost bite.”
- Portland’s GM Neil Olshey, on Batum’s ‘dream’.

Cha-ching.

“I’m not going hamstring the organisation with $7-8 million contracts on guys who don’t move the needle. It’s counterproductive.”
- Olshey again, on free agency.

I really like this guy.

“He is young, tall and has a good image. … he is very famous.”
- A Chinese Olympic official on the decision for Yi Jianlian to carry the flag for China at the opening ceremony.

Interesting criteria….

“After visiting the Suns, the impression the organization made on me was incredible. Mr. Sarver, Lon Babby, Lance Blanks, the front office staff and Coach Gentry run a first-class organization, and I strongly feel they are the right franchise for me. Phoenix is just where my heart is now.”
- Eric Gordon, who signed a four-year, $58 million offer sheet with Phoenix, that New Orleans ultimately matched.

That’s awkward. And do these guys not understand how restricted free agency works?

“They drafted another shooting guard, a combo guard like me, which tells me they have another plan…..I was a little surprised; we have no center and no bigs. You look at our roster right now, what do we have, one big? Jason Smith? Before Anthony Davis, we had no bigs. My thing is, if you’re trying to be a good team, and you’ve got a young team, you’ve got to fill in spaces. I am the shooting guard. We’ve got plenty of point guards on our team right now.”
- Gordon again, on the Hornets and their decision to draft Austin Rivers.

He’s bang on; it was an odd choice considering Rivers is a clone of Gordon (i.e. undersized scoring two-guard).

“Phoenix is the first and only team I met with this summer.”
- Minnesota’s Michael Beasley, after signing a three-year, $18 million deal with Phoenix.

That confirms it; Phoenix outbid themselves for someone who nobody else wanted.

“It feels great. I actually feel great coming into a situation like that. I get a chance to not be the main guy but you know to be the go-to guy. Not just scoring but the go-to stopper and whatever my team needs, me to get a bucket or get a defensive stop, I feel good and confident that I can be that guy. In my mind I’m going to be an All-Star this coming season. All I want to do is win. Whether I get the recognition for what I do on the floor or not, as long as we’re winning I’m okay with that.”
- Beasley again, on how he feels playing in Phoenix.

The ‘go-to guy’? The ‘go-to stopper’? An ‘All-Star’? Funny.

“I didn’t make any demands or ask a question about starting. I just always feel it’s going to be hard to keep me out of the starting lineup. That’s just my mentality as a player and how I feel right now. And not just be in the starting lineup. Maybe get a few plays called for me. I just plan to work hard and put coach in a position where he has to play me.”
- Minnesota’s Brandon Roy on signing with the Timberwolves and his intentions to be more than just a bit player.

With his physical limitations, you’d think he would be more realistic.

“He fouled the shit outta everyone”
- Carmelo Anthony on DeMarcus Cousins, during the U.S. men’s basketball team’s first practice in Las Vegas against the select team.

Against all those prima donnar’s, that would have ruffled a few feathers no doubt.

“He needs to mature as a person (and) as a player if he’s going to have an outstanding NBA career. Before there’s discussion about him being part of our program, he has a lot of building to do. … He has a lot of growing up to do.”
- Team USA head Jerry Colangelo on Cousins.

True.

“As long as I’m there, he’s going to be there.”
- The Lakers’ Kobe Bryant, answering a question from a Spanish reporter about Pau Gasol’s status with the Lakers.

He forgot the caveat: unless we can trade him in for an upgrade.

“In three years you’ll see me play with FC Barcelona. I love Barça and I love the city of Barcelona. I watch the ACB League with Pau Gasol and the games are as intense as the NBA but in the USA is more difficult because we play more games and it’s more physical than the ACB.”
- Kobe again, to the Spanish media.

Sure.

“It’s a stupid idea. It should be a (player’s) choice. [O]ur discussion is this: Basically, it’s just a dumb idea and we (discuss) it that way. … We just discuss it like that (and) kind of voice our opinions through you (media) guys.”
- Kobe on what he thinks about NBA Commissioner David Stern’s idea of not allowing players 23 years of age and older to compete in future Olympics.

Agree.

“Just to be one of the best again….The best in the league….I’m too good. If you’re going to trade me, you may as well get LeBron [James] or Kevin Durant. Go get somebody. That’s what I was thinking from the people talking in the media. If it’s not for Dwyane Wade, it doesn’t make sense. I’m too good.”
- The Lakers’ Metta World Peace, when asked what he envisions for the next few years.

He’s a dead set fruit loop.

“I’ll be the first general manager to be locked up for partying way too hard”
- Metta again, on Twitter.

A GM? Sure Metta. But then again, I suppose he couldn’t be any worse than some of the other clowns who have worn a GM hat before.

“He absorbs criticism very nicely. Mine in particular.”
- New Bobcats coach (and former Adelaide 36ers coach) Mike Dunlap, on Kemba Walker.

He’s come a long way. Good luck in Charlotte Mike, you’ll bloody need it.

“I’ve never had a coach ask me to do that.”
- New York’s Amar’e Stoudemire when asked by coach Woodson at the end of the season to work on his post game over the summer.

Not surprising, considering he is referring to Mike D’Antoni. That there tells you all you need to know about the flaws in D’Antoni’s coaching – i.e. key facets of basketball that are essential to success in the NBA, like post play and defense, he just wasn’t interested in.

“You forget that under his jersey, he wears a lot of that compression-type stuff, and he wears a lot of that protection-type sleeves around his stomach, so it makes him look a little bit wider and thicker. But he’s not a fat ass, man. He’s a world-class athlete, so he’s always very detailed with his diet, with his conditioning. Remember, too, the season’s long and it wears on you. Sometimes that’s where the fatigue sets in.”
- Carmelo Anthony’s offseason trainer, Idan Ravin, a.k.a. “The Hoops Whisperer,” defending Melo’s weight.

What about the chubby face?

“Joe (Johnson) got me over the hump. I’ve never played with anybody like him, a guy on the wing that can get his own shot and also get me involved and is a great defender. We could have one of the top backcourts in the NBA for sure.”
- Brooklyn’s Deron Williams on why he signed with the Nets.

Personally, I thought you had higher standards than that, Deron.

“I’m not much of a jump-shooter, so I wanted to make sure I was getting in the paint on post-ups and drives to get us in the flow of the game.”
- Miami’s LeBron James after Team USA’s pre-olympic warm-up against Brazil in Washington DC.

Don’t underestimate the importance of that statement. That realisation – that he’s not a good jump shooter – is pretty much why he became an unstoppable force this year and won his first NBA championship.

”You’ve got to double-team LeBron. You have to double-team Dwyane Wade. You’ve got to double-team Chris Bosh. And then you think they’re going to leave Ray Allen open? They’ve got to leave somebody open. So I have to go [shoot] a million jumpers tonight and be ready to knock them down. Somebody’s got to be open.”
- Rashard Lewis at his introductory press conference in Miami.

If he can bounce back and stay healthy he could be a dangerous weapon for the Heat.

“No. It’s not in the cards. He’s a Mav for Life.”
- Mavs GM Donnie Nelson when asked if they will trade Dirk Nowitzki.

Poor bugger.

“I told him I hope he doesn’t have a chip on his shoulder, I hope he has a boulder.”
- Jared Sullinger’s agent David Falk, after he fell to Boston at pick 21 in the draft.

A lot of teams are going to end up looking stupid for passing on this guy.

“If we get everybody back healthy, with Ricky back healthy, if Roy comes in healthy, and if we can get off to a good start, we’re going to be good. But we really have to add as many as pieces as we possibly can, veteran guys. There was some bad blood in that locker room we were able to get out of there and smooth things out. That should help us out going forward…..Just what I said. We had bad blood in the locker room. We got that out.”
- Minnesota’s Kevin Love, pulling no punches.

It doesn’t take Einstein to realise who he’s talking about – Darko Milicic and Michael Beasley (and possibly Anthony Randolph and Martell Webster too).

“My patience is not high. Would yours be, especially when I’m a big proponent of greatness surrounding itself with greatness? All these [Team USA] guys seem to have great players around them. It’s tough seeing all these guys that are young and older who have all played in the playoffs. When they start talking about that, I have nothing to talk about. If I don’t make the playoffs next year I don’t know what will happen. If we don’t make the playoffs, I don’t know it’s going to be me or something, but our management needs to step up and make some moves. Chase is good for us. Brandon if he can come in relatively healthy and be back to somewhat of where he was … we can be pretty damn good, especially in the fourth quarter with how he used to be [with the Trail Blazers] with LaMarcus [Aldridge] in the pick-and-roll. If Ricky can come back healthy that would be great. But I think our front office and ownership needs to step up and get us some pieces. We need to make some moves. We can’t just stand still. We have to make this happen. I don’t know if we will blow up the team again, if I’ll be moved, I don’t know. But something has to happen in Minnesota.”
- K-Love again.

He’s flexing his muscles, and as a top ten player in this league, so well he should. Minnesota, you’re officially on notice – i.e. if you don’t improve, Love’s gone in three years (when he can opt out).

“He’s a Brahma bull down there. What you see is what you get. He’s definitely strong. He’s hard to move. He’s athletic. All the assumptions about him have been true so far.”
- Detroit’s Greg Monroe on their draft pick Andre Drummond.

What about the assumption that he goes at half speed?

”It didn’t bother me too much because I don’t pay attention to media speculation. I read books and comic books. [They] didn’t mention Howard too much.”
- Nets’ center Brook Lopez, on the Dwight Howard trade talk.

How old is this guy?

”It’s the NBA. It’s a business, you know? This is what I signed up for. I’m just looking forward to it. I would love to be in Brooklyn next year. If I’m in Orlando — or wherever I might be — I’m going to go out there and play hard.’’
- Brooklyn’s Marshon Brooks on the constant Howard rumors.

I like his attitude.


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