Here’s the final instalment of the ‘Lockout Doozies’ edition (see Part 1 and 2).

“When the season was over they didn’t offer me nothing good.”
- Nene on Denver’s ‘paltry’ offer of a four-year, $50 million extension prior to the lockout.

In this day and age, an appropriate statement I think not.

“I want y’all to address me like that from now on — world champion… Everybody on this team has earned the right to be addressed as world champions, so everybody address us like that.”
- ‘World Champion’ Shawn Marion.

Good to see it hasn’t gone to his head….

“In the beginning, things were a little [rocky]. If I had more [playing] time at the beginning of the season … we would probably be laughing right now about how we won 40 games.”
- Houston’s Samuel Dalembert, outrageously suggesting that if the Kings gave him more playing time last season they would have won 40% more of their games.

I can confirm, he did say that with a straight face.

“I miss Jack Nicholson. I’m not gay, I’m straight but damnit, I want to hug Jack! I miss Denzel also. I miss the Laker girls. I miss the referee who runs like he is riding three horses. I miss shooting airballs and dribbling the ball off my leg and Kobe saying “Ronny stop!” I miss my tight shorts. I miss Ron Artest. I hope Blake Griffin dunks on me and makes a kid coloring book with a pop out poster with the dunk. I want to play instead of cooking. I feel like a Atlanta house wife.”
- LA’s Metta World Peace, on missing the NBA.

His honesty is golden.

“If I showed you my abs right now you’d probably leave your husband.”
- Metta World Peace, after reporters questioned his physical condition at media day.

I’ve got nothin for this one.

“We’re very close friends. I’m pretty sure you guys saw him out here in New York, a lot. Due to the players meeting and stuff like that, we hung out. But we never had any conversations about him coming to New York. That’s something that I would leave up to him and him and his family and I’m staying away from that. “
- New York’s Carmelo Anthony on Chris Paul.

You lying swine. How stupid does he think we are?

“I believe in him.”
- Warriors’ coach Mark Jackson on Andris Biedrins.

You’re the only one.

“What I’m doing is saying to the mountain of doubt, to the mountain of mediocrity, to the mountain of underachievement: ‘You shall be moved. And I’m believing with everything in me that it shall come to pass and we will be a playoff team.”
- Jackson again.

I am sorry but no amount of babble or prayer is going to turn this mutton into lamb.

“We need to be clear on this, that phone conversation has not changed my relationship with Dwight. We like each other; we even love each other as people. He’s always reached out to me.”
- Retiring Magic CEO Bob Vander Weide, after it was made public that he drunk dialled Dwight Howard at 1 a.m. pleading with him to stay with the Magic.

Do you think the feeling is mutual?

“He knows he’s a bully, ain’t no secret. I think everybody knows that.”
- New Jersey’s Deron Williams on David Stern.

David Stern infamously told a room full of players, coaches and league executives at a meeting to discuss the labour negotiations in February 2011, that he knows where “the bodies are buried” in the NBA, because he buried them himself. So if I were you D-Will, I’d watch your back.

“Let’s not talk too much about how the sausage was made.”
David Stern.

No, lets David, we would all like to know.

“I’d rather not talk about that.”
- Miami’s Mario Chalmers, in response to the question, “What happened to LeBron in the Finals?”

His silence speaks volumes.

“They [Lakers] have told me that they are not going to trade me.”
- Laker (for now) Pau Gasol.

Don’t believe it. If they can get Dwight Howard you’ll be gone in a heartbeat.

“I am going to shock folks. I have not stopped working. No vacations. No family time. No chilling. I have not worked this hard or as consistent in any point of my career, college or pro.”
- New Indiana signing David West.

No family time in six months? In the offseason? Get your priorities straight bro.

“[Are] there going to be some people who are overpaid? We acquiesce to that. We do believe that there will be some people who get overpaid. If it’s the right person, we might do that.”
- Warriors general manager Larry Riley on their free agency plans.

Wow, from the horse’s mouth. Were Andris Biedrins, Monta Ellis and David Lee the ‘right people’ to overpay too?

“We are disappointed by the man, we thought he was better than this.”
- Benetton Traviso coach Sasha Djordjevic criticizing Brian Scalabrine, who abruptly left the team when the lockout ended.

Obviously, Scal prefers towel waving to playing.

“He failed to fit into the tactic system of the whole team.”
- The statement made by Gerald Green’s Chinese club on why they sacked him.

Yeah, I would image that ‘tactics’ aren’t Gerald’s strong suit.

“Chemistry is something that you don’t just throw in a frying pan and mix it up with another something and throw something on top of that and then fry it up and put in a tortilla and put it in microwave, heat it up, give it to you and expect it to taste good. You know? If y’all don’t know what I’m talking about then you can’t cook and this doesn’t concern you.”
- Boston’s Kevin Garnett chimes in on the compacted season.

Ok Kevin, I am with ya….

“I was disappointed for our fans. When the preliminary schedule came out, I asked the league to reconsider and they didn’t. You’ve got to factor in all the arenas and timelines, and they weren’t able to move dates around.”
- Suns owner Robert Sarver complaining about the schedule.

So he’s concerned about the fans now? Since taking over the team this clown has penny-pinched the Suns into oblivion, handed out some outrageous contracts, and during the lockout he was one of the biggest hard-liners pushing for a lost season. If I were a Suns fan, I’d want to lynch the guy.

“I’m tired of being the glue guy. I’m tired of being viewed as the good guy. After a while, you just kind of get taken advantage of in these situations. I’ve been known as a leader, and I am a leader, but a leader can be as disruptive as he can be productive, especially when you carry a strong voice and people rally around you. This is about me now. This is about me, and teams should know that right now.”
- Chauncey Billups after being ‘amnesty’d’ by the Knicks.

Just take your $14 million, shut up and play.

“This is a million-dollar job. Nobody’s going to pay a million dollars to a butthole. I didn’t embrace that whole theory. I was thinking, ‘I’ve got talent. I’m going to stay here forever.’ Then after I wasn’t playing anymore, it was like, ‘Wow, I’m not playing.’ It really hit me. I’m older now, and I can see things that I wish I would’ve done so differently back then. I hate that I got technical fouls. I hate that I did stuff like that.”
- Bonzi Wells, trying out for the Minnesota Timberwolves (he was recently cut).

Better late than never I suppose.

“If guys come in here not focused on a championship, just making the playoffs, we need to trade them. We need to be talking about championship and nothin’ else. You can’t limit yourself to just playoffs. Who wants to do that? Playoffs is not really an achievement to me. Anybody can get to the playoffs.”

And this:

“If I’m shot, I’ma get stitched and play the next game. I got hit by a car and played two days later.”

And this:

“[Scott Skiles is] a fiery guy, and I’m looking forward to me and him arguing, because that means the fire is on the team and we goin’ in the right direction. To be able to play for him and Jim is a blessing for me.”

And this:

“Who won the championship again? I didn’t even watch the playoffs. Dallas sucks to me.”

And this:

“Was there a lockout? I don’t know, I wasn’t even watching the news, I wasn’t affected by the lockout, I don’t have money problems. Yeah I wasn’t playing basketball, but I can’t control that. I was doing my music stuff at the time. When it was over, they called us, told us to come. Now I know what’s going on.”
- Milwaukee’s Stephen Jackson on media day.

Yeah, this is going to end well.

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