You don’t know me. In fact, we’ve never met. Although that’s not a certainty. Back when I was drinking heavily I often found myself in some very new places with some strange people. So if you were the other Aussie tourist in that donkey show in Tijuana last year or one of the patrons of Wet’N’Wild a few weeks ago when I got naked, my apologies.
Anyway, why did I start? Oh yeah. I’m here to try and convince you to take your fan talents to the East Bay and become a Golden State Warriors fan.
Now, I notice that you’ve never even considered the Warriors. And given our recent history, probably understandably so. However, there’s more to our situation than meets the eye. Let me explain.
New, Competent Front Office.
The main reason why we’ve been pretty much shit for the past 15 years has been that we’ve had an incompetent fool for an owner. Chris Cohan continually made bad personnel decisions, wouldn’t pony up money when it was needed but allowed a string of dumbarse GMs (and yes, I’m including Chris Mullin here) to throw out cap-killer contracts.
In June, however, Cohan finally sold the team. Our new overlord in chief (Joe Lacob) seems to actually have some idea of what he’s doing. Not only has he been very open with the fans (even responding to fan emails) even when it’s stuff we don’t want to hear (no, we won’t be paying luxury tax for a few years), but he’s been a fan of the Warriors through the hard years so he knows what we’ve been through.
Also, we actually have a competent GM. While Larry Riley was seen by Warriors fans as a puppet of Don Nelson, since he’s been GM he’s continually made the best of bad situations. He was forced to make three big salary dumps (Jamal Crawford last off-season, Stephen Jackson demanding a trade last year and Corey Maggette this off-season) where he got sweet FA back, but he also pulled off the deal to bring David Lee to Golden State for a lunatic and spare parts.
Speaking of DLee, let’s look at…
Stephen Curry, Monta Ellis, David Lee. Says it all really. We got ourselves a young, exciting lineup of guys who can tear any team in the league apart on offense on any given night.
The biggest reason to become a Warriors fan has got to be our style of play. Even with Don Nelson retiring to Hawaii and the more defensive-minded Keith Smart in the big chair, this team is still built to play an up-tempo transition based style. Since the demise of the 7 Seconds Or Less Suns (and the shitty rosters Mike D’Antoni’s stuck with in New York even this year – Amare won’t do jack for the Knicks with Raymond Felton as PG) there’s no better team in the league to watch than the Warriors.
Or should I say utter lack of.
Rob’s pointed out that being seen as a bandwagon fan doesn’t really matter to you. That’s cool. But let’s be honest here – no one likes a guy who becomes a fan of a new team just after they get a new star player or two.
My good mate Tony the Yugoslav (who, for the record, is neither Yugoslavian or named Tony) has been a Heat fan since before Shaq joined forces with Wade, the kind of guy who waxes lyrical about Alonzo Mourning and who believes that Michael Beasley would have broken out had he just had a chance to play off the bench for this Heat team. He’s personally vowed to “foul the fuckin’ shit out of every fuckin’ c**t I fuckin’ see wearing one of them fuckin’ LeBron Heat jerseys and fuckin’ acting like he’s a fuckin’ true fan” on the court. (You see where he got his nickname?)
Anyway, the Warriors? We just traded for a 20-12 All-Star and yet we have no bandwagoners whatsoever. Most basketball fans still think of us as a bit of a joke – a remnant of the Chris Cohan Era that sucks, but what do you do. The point is, no one has really stopped to realize just how good our team could be and are still writing us off. But once we start contending in the West (which, believe me, once Kobe retires will happen) everyone will be back on our nuts – come on, who wouldn’t like to say they were there first?
The Warriors are one of three NBA teams which can be reached from Australia by just one flight – of the other two, the world doesn’t need more Laker fans and who in their right mind would want to be a Clippers fan?
The San Francisco Bay Area.
While they may not have moose/mooses/moosi/meese/whatever the fuck the plural for moose is or Gossip Girl (great show, BTW), the Bay Area is the last part of America which is largely populated by fellow Homo sapiens (as opposed to the Americus Retardus that seem to have infiltrated the rest of the nation) and still has an NBA team (Seattle is the only other one I’ve been to where Homo sapiens outweigh the rest. Portland comes close, but they have too many Hipsterus Douchebagus).
You love camping, right? If you’re ever in the States again, go camping out on Mount Diablo. Although try and avoid the peak unless you don’t mind sharing with hordes of horny teenagers trying to lose their virginity.
And as for Oakland, well, the city of Oakland spawned Tupac Shakur and MC Hammer. Need I say more?
If you’re not sold yet, let me present the final trump card…
Played a season for us (1997-98). And Rob told us how much you love Clarence Weatherspoon. (Even though my man Carl Landry could waste him).
I trust you’ll make the right decision. I hope to hear about you taking your talents to the Golden Gate Bridge.