The Frustrated Suns Fan checks in to offer his 2 cents on Jim’s upcoming decision… and skulls a whole lot of Hatorade in the process.

Jim, you’re a fool. You’ve narrowed the field down to five franchises, all of which have serious flaws. Lets examine a little further.

New York

If you were making this decision two years ago would New York have featured in the discussion? New York is a team which has been circling the drain all season as it waited for Draft day and Lebron’s Decision. Now having missed out on LeBron, Wade, Bosh, Joe Johnson, and Boozer, have a good look at the guy who the Knickerbockers think will be their saviour:

STATue

You know all the frustrated Suns fans out there? Well they’re all happy now because they have traded their frustration to New York. You’d better pray your missus likes worry lines because if you chose New York you’re gonna end up looking like a Sharpei dog.

Miami

I hope you’ve got your running shoes on, because this bandwagon left town so long ago Usain Bolt would have trouble catching it. The stigma which comes with being a bandwagon supporter is extremely hard to get rid of. Nobody likes a bandwagon supporter, even less so one who openly supports a player who just finished publically humiliating his former club. Cleveland did their best to give LeBron everything he wanted, and in return LeBron bent them over. It’s like the poor farming family  from Akron who gives their son everything they have, only to see that son mortgage his parents house, leaving them starving and homeless, in order to chase the big city lights. Is that something you want to support Jim?

Milwaukee

The Bucks have never had a past, do not have much of a present and definitely don’t have a future. Milwaukee hasn’t progressed past round 1 in the post season in the last 10 years, and haven’t won anything since the ABA was still around.  Now I know that right now they have Bogut, but as an Australian you can root for him on your own terms. Despite going for the Suns I would not feel ashamed to buy his jersey and wear it proudly to my local for a pot and parma. Just remember, deciding to go for a team is so much more than one player, it’s the entire organisation you are rooting for. If Bogut goes down with an injury or gets traded then what are you left with? The current Bucks made the playoffs with a first round exit… in the East… and were proud of that fact.  If that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about the culture of losing at this club then I don’t know what will.

Philadelphia

I was going to start ragging on Philly. I had a couple of great lines going like, “If Andre Iguodala lived in Melbourne then we would not have a housing crisis. I’ve never seen one player throw up so many bricks, it’s like watching Shaq take free throws”… or … “Enjoy watching Elton Brand live out his 5 year $80m contract”.

But then I realised that I don’t have a lot to say about Philly. Not because they’re a great team, but because they are so fucking boring.  They are an unremarkable team. They have no standout player. They don’t have the talented building blocks that other similarly unremarkable teams do. They won’t make the playoffs next season, or the season after that. They have no future. Their coach is Doug Collins.  Do I need to go on?

Chicago

If there was ever a club who needed supporters this is it. I mean it’s not like they won heaps of titles with the greatest player of all ti…. oh wait. You’d be rocking up so  late to the party by jumping on Chicago’s side that there are passed out bodies in the hallway. MJ, Pippen, Rodman and all the remaining dregs of the Bulls dynasty have moved on and all you are left with is some stoner giggling in the corner.

Actually, maybe this is the best choice for you. The bandwagon has few enough people on it that you won’t be considered a “bandwagon supporter”. You have a history with Chicago (having previously jumped aboard the Jordan wagon), and they really are a young up and coming side who will be serious contenders for the next few seasons.

Yes Jim, Chicago is your only option. Even if it is the best of a bad bunch.

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