Ever played opposite day when you were in primary school? Something doesn’t go your way, that’s fine, it’s opposite day. What’s that? I’m a loser? That’s cool because it’s opposite day so that’s good. I’m fat? So I’m skinny, right?

Well, if opposite day hit the NBA, here’s how the playoff bracket would look. Just a little something for all of us out there not lucky enough to have Carmelo, Kobe, LeBron or Dwight on our squads. Worst luck to all of you!!!! (Go Knicks)

Round 1 Eastern Conference

1 Washington  vs. 8 Indiana
In what has been deemed a nightmare match up for the Pacers, the Wizard came out strong, struggling to hit a field goal in the first quarter. As hard as Troy Murphy tried to throw the game, throwing up 8 three point field goals, the Wizards were never in trouble. Paced by Arenas (2-13 from the field), ready just in time for playoffs, the Wizards lost their fourth straight, sweeping the Pacers and advancing to the 2nd round.

Wizards win series 0-4
Right: Only 12 losses to go Caron…

2 New York vs. 7 Charlotte
From Larry Brown and Isiah, the Knicks, although sharing in their patches of brilliance, have spent the last few years constructing a team unable to win. While Larry jumped ship and almost destroyed the Bobcats to the same extent, he, and Ray Felton just weren’t bad enough. New York were led by cold shooting Q Rich (0-9 3pt FG) and erratic point guard Krypto-Nate (game high 8 turnovers). Things got rocky for a while in the 3rd quarter, when D’Antoni inserted rookie Danilo Gallinari who inadvertently knocked down 4 three pointers in a row. The European prospect was benched immediately. Larry Brown out-coached offensive genius Mike D’Antoni, by his choice to not run an offense at all.

Knicks win 2-4

A triumphant Knicks bench after their game 6 loss

3 Toronto vs. 6 New Jersey
Led by a massive night from star stud Chris Bosh, and newly acquired and disgruntled Shawn Marion, the Raps managed a 20 point deficit in the first 8 minutes of the game. Things seemed out of reach for Lawrence Frank’s squad until Vince Carter lit it up in typical ‘Carter-in-Toronto’ form, going 4-21 for the game. Carter wooed the crowd with a missed dunk followed by an air ball three, before Devin Harris blew things for the Jersey Boys. Harris, clearly ignoring the coaching staff, attacked the rim again and again. Brook Lopez nearly corrected the ship, letting himself get dunked on three times in a row, but Jersey ended up victorious, to clinch the series, losing their 4th. Jose Calderon was quoted after the game as saying, “we just gave too much effort when it counted most, it’s going to be a long summer.”

Nets win 1-4
Left: Carter applauds the decision to call him for his 4th offensive foul in game 5, the turning point that lost his team the game.

Bye: Milwaukee

Round 1 – Western Conference

1 Sacramento vs. 8 Phoenix
When the history books close, this will go down as one of, if not the greatest upset in sporting history. The Phoenix Suns entered this playoff series with no hope. A roster full of talent (Shaquille O’Neal & Steve Nash to name a few) seemed unprepared to lose against an experienced and negatively fueled  team like the Kings, but their mid-series implosion and character issues willed them to victory. Amare Stoudamire must receive credit, undermining the coaching staff, players and management, in a motivating move that cost the Suns the series.  Kevin Martin tried to lose it on his own, but no matter what he did, his silky smooth jumper would fall from time to time. The Maloof Brothers were dazed and amazed at the conclusion, as their efforts to build a losing team finally fell through. They are considering bringing back Ron Artest to improve their path towards an NBA laughing stock.

Suns win 3-4

A miserable Suns bench before Amare planted a seed of doubt amongst his team mates

2 Los Angeles vs. 7 Golden State
If you have followed the Warriors this season you would know they had two things on their side entering this series: a lack of defense, and Jamal Crawford’s shot selection. The Clippers, unwilling to give up on their terrible season, counter attacked with delusional performances from B-Diddy & Z-Bo. A combined 64 attempted field goals in game 3 set a Clipper playoff record, and luckily for them, they only connected on 13.  Crawford, who attended the Larry Brown School of Losing in New York, rose to the challenge as all losers do, and misfired on 12 three point field goals. The only thing that stopped Crawford from losing the game single-handedly was his second quarter injury. He did not return.

Clippers win 3-4
Right: A joyous Camby can hardly contain his excitement after the game 7 meltdown.

3 Oklahoma City vs. 6 Minnesota
The NBA may have to review the seeding process, as the Durant-led-Thunder took their losing record up against ‘the team KG used to play for’. The NBA low for crowd attendance gave the TWolves a helping hand, but ultimately it was the sloppy play of Mike Miller and some negative karma from Kevin McHale that allowed the Wolves to close the series, losing four straight. Oklahoma pulled out all stops, inserting Malik Rose and giving him the green light as they attempted to save their season, but his ‘chair pull’ and running hook shot were not enough to knock Minnesota off.

Minnesota win 2-4

Left: “When you win, the food tastes horrible, your girl seems ugly, the air smells bad, I just don’t wanna experience winning like this again,” a down beat Rose admitted after in a press conference with local media.

Bye: Memphis

1. Sunday Six Pack: Playoff Seeds, TV and the Enigmatic C’s

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