Tizzle is back with his crystal ball and a look at this seasons Top Ten Most Likely Things to Happen. You heard it here first folks!

#1 – Camby was angry. Iverson was angry. Carmelo was angry. Every Denver fan was angry. Even yours truly was angry. But now, we are all living in disbelief. After struggling with mild depression related to his being traded for a 2nd round pick to the Los Angeles Clippers, Marcus Camby decided to seek retribution. “He just asked Sam if he was a 2nd round pick, and the slaughter begin,” recalls friend Leigh Flores. Sam White mistakenly assumed being picked 2nd for the Mackanoon High Bowling team meant he was a “2nd round pick”…

#2 – We all knew that Jamal Crawford was going to enjoy Mike D’Antoni and his high octane offence, but did anyone ever imagine 100? Seeing is believing, and even in the Knicks 4th straight victory at the mecca of basketball, Madison Square Garden, Crawford’s 100 field goal attempts remain completely ridiculous, even by his shot-selection standards. Well renowned for his friendly and passive demeanour off the court, Crawford has adopted a slightly ‘Marbury-esque’ demeanour on-court, taking advantage of D’Antoni’s “every shot’s a good shot” policy, especially tonight as…

#3 – The love-hate Houston-Artest relationship did not take long to fall to bits. Once the NBA’s power duo, Yao Ming and Ron Artest were dominating the league, and leading the Rockets to the top seed in the NBA come All Star break. Like so many marriages in the world these days, the honeymoon period out lasted itself, and Ron Artest found himself sleeping on the couch. Apparently, mowing the lawn at 4am, recording a rap album in the school cafeteria and knocking out 86-year old Galvaston resident Lateesha Sanderson were not within the realm of normalcy in…


#4 – NBA dreams are made and broken every year. For every Kevin Garnett, or Dwight Howard, there are the less aesthetic models of an NBA lifestyle that is polluting our great nation. Isiah Rider, Darius Miles, Ron Artest, Latrell Sprewell, the list is as long as a police officer enjoys Dunkin’ Donuts, yet somehow a new level of disgrace has been reached. “It was 2pm, and lunch hadn’t been served. I never planned to eat that child. She walked right infront of me. Like I had a choice in the matter,” explained an obviously remorseful Robert “Tractor” Traylor as he…


#5
– When you read this, you will have read this. As you tear this paper up after reading it, please don’t shed a tear. Kevin Love’s rookie campaign is taking off like a graceful dove, or a perfect diver who dove into superstardom. The hype is flowing like a harsh wind, as the season begins to wind up. As I watched him live on Friday night, I witnessed firsthand the passion that makes his team mate Randy Foye so happy to live with him. Love loves to lead, and he has dropped his weight like a bag of lead due to his…


#6 – It was always assumed No. 1 draft pick Greg Oden would change the culture of the Portland Trail Blazers, once heralded as the Jail Blazers. Changing the culture of the NBA, however, is a completely different skillset no one knew the big man would bring along with him. Today, on his birthday, Oden opted to reveal his actual age, after much speculation about it being inaccurate. Oden walked out of the Blazers training facility, along with team mates and close friends Travis Outlaw and Brandon Roy, holding a cake with 43 candles. Within minutes, Oden received a phone call from Dikembe Mutombo, who was quoted as saying…


#7 – Minnesota guard Sebastian Telfair, once famed and documented as a high school phenomenon from Lincoln High, has set an NBA record by being suspended 80 of 82 regular season games. The fourth gun that accidentally found itself on the floor of his SUV was the tip of the ice-berg, but the seven kilos of raw heroin that he “thought was sugar for my sister’s birthday cake” put the nail in the coffin for his year. Unfortunately his regular season record of 12 steals (vs. Washington 17th February) amounted to nothing as his average of 12 steals per game did not qualify for the record books, however…


#8 – The smirk on his face as he walked from the court room angered more than it reassured Knick fans in the summer of 07. His undermining of HoF coach Larry Next Town Brown was so transparent it angered Knick fans more than it pleased them. Finally, the fans got their say. Seven anonymous Manhatten residents lauched the website Isiahthebeachedwhale.com last night, with a live stream of a video displaying a sleeping Isiah Thomas, still in his bed (complete with 1989 Pistons Championship blanket and a teddy bear wearing a Marbury jersey), floating up the Hudson river. The founders of isiahthebeachedwhale.com claim to have removed Zeke from his Winchester condo during the evening after lacing his prime ribs with sleeping powder. “The attacks will continue until…


#9 – “It was like nothing I’ve ever seen before.” Those words will echo throughout the history books in Buck nation. Andrew Bogut, stood staring in disbelief, as Corporal Skiles, as he is ‘affectionately’ known by his troops, insisted rookie Joe Alexander and vets Michael Redd and Charlie Bell complete their 1000th push up, exactly twelve minutes after emergency doctors announced their death. “We knew coming into this season things would be different,” the Aussie recalled, “but nothing like this happened before in his coaching career. Sure, he killed Ben Wallace’s career, but death?” Guard Charlie Bell was said to have lost 102 pounds during the warm up drills, and never regained consciousness after. Redd, much beloved by team mates, was understandably shaken up after completing his 2000th left hand lay up, “nothing is more important than fundamentals. Not many NBA players these days can switch it up and go with their left hand, that is how champions are born”. Redd, left handed, died at age 29, leaving behind…


#10 – It will be forever known as the ‘Summer of European escapes’. When Josh Childress did it, some people noticed. But as NBA commissioner David Stern signed the contract to head up the vastly improved Euro-league it drew our attention. All summer, it has been discussed: is it financially worth leaving the NBA for a guy like LeBron or Kobe, if Europe offers the allure of more money. Apparentelty, the guarantee of renaming the Euro-league (rumoured to be renamed ‘Stern n Firm’, inspired by a film he once acted in during “a transitional period in my life”) was enough to convince him of the Childress-choice…


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