The Home Stretch

April 10th, 2008, Author: robd

It’s been a few days since my lazy ass decided to inject some wisdom into the blogosphere, so I’ve got a little catching up to do. This post may be long but I guarantee you will at least chuckle, smirk, or curse at your computer screen.

Saturday April 5th
This was a scary day for me, and indeed all Pistons fans. The Magic whooped the Cavs who were without Lebron, and what was once a slim reality suddenly felt like an impending nightmare. This was the day I dealt with the possibility that the Cavs could lose their grip on 4th seed out East, and maybe even the 5th seed. To any one other than a Pistons fan this may seem like a trivial matter, but to us Motown madmen, the Cavs falling to 6th in the East is a very scary proposition because we don’t want to see Lebron in the second round. We don’t want to see him at all. Not for the rest of the season, not in the playoffs, not in the drive-through queue at Burger King, and not in our dreams at night. Like I once said, Lebron actually gives me nightmares. It’s a recurring dream. He comes flying down the lane, I’m Tayshaun Prince only skinnier and with tears coming down my face, and then he dunks the ball right through the rim and right into my head, really hard. Please Cleveland, win some games. Stay 4th, for me. For my sanity.

Denver lost to Sacremento, at home. After beating Dallas, Golden State and Phoenix in the previous week, they lose the easiest of them all. Whats more, they wasted a ridiculously good game by Melo who had 47 on 19-24 shooting (that is 79%). I just couldn’t resist, I had to look it up on basketball-reference.com. Over the last 20 years only five other players have scored 45+ shooting better than 79%. The best of those efforts was MJ with 52 points on an insane 24-29 shooting. Melo can take a little solace in the fact that even Jordan lost that game. But Carmelo Anthony in not Michael Jordan and the Nuggets are not the 1988-89 Bulls, so Melo can’t really take any solace at all and should be pissed off the Nuggets blew a chance to make that 8th spot theirs.

Sunday April 6th
My self-imposed ban on talking about the MVP has passed… so lets talk about the MVP. This day was probably the day Chris Paul wrapped up the MVP. Even though he was already most people’s favourite at this point, you kind of knew he had to do a little more than his “standard” 20-10 for the last 6 games of the season to really drive the MVP nail in the coffin. Something unexpected. Something that rarely happens. Like Kobe going for 13 assists against the Wizards a week back, or Jamison going for 27-11 against KG, or the Knicks winning a game of basketball (yeah yeah Tiz we’ll get to that). CP3 did just that against the Warriors on this day with a jaw-dropping triple-double: 16 points, 13 assists, 10 rebounds and 5 steals, all against one of the premier point guards in the game in Baron Davis. I was just itching to see what Kobe would do hours later against the Kings: a solid 29 point, 5 rebound, 5 assist, 2 steal performance on 9-15 shooting. What am I kidding? CP3 owned Kobe on this day, and that just about equates to owning the MP3. Sorry, I mean the MVP.

The Suns scored 9 points in the 4th quarter against the Mavs today, at home. 9 points! I scored 9 points in about five minutes of court action myself last night. That’s not really surprising cos I’m pretty awesome, but when you think about it, it is surprising, because despite how awesome I am the Suns offense is supposed to be even more awesome. And when you can’t score more than 9 points in a quarter as the most awesome offense in the NBA against a team who defends so awesomely bad, you’re future is looking awfully troublesome.

Kevin Durant is the man. After hitting those two killer shots against the Nuggets it got me thinking. In recent years, has a rookie ever come up big as many times as KD has this season? It’s not like he’s hit a heap of them (this one comes to mind), but really, Seattle have only won 18 games so it’s not like he’s had many chances. In recent years I can’t think of a rookie who’s been as willing to take the last shot, and has actually nailed a couple. D-Wade’s rookie playoff series comes to mind, as does Tayshaun Prince’s. My point is that you can already start to see that fearless, clutch mentality in Durant. And he’s only 19.

Monday April 7th
Can pretty much be summed up by the email that was waiting in my inbox when I got to work, from none other than Chucko the frustrated suns fan:
Subject: WTF?
There are no games today…. None…. What’s going on?! Is it a public holiday or something?

I reassured him that it was simply the NCAA Final today, not some horrific flood that swept through all the basketball arenas across America. But his response did ring true:

… it’s like a glimpse of what the June – November slump is like…
*shudder*

Tuesda April 8th
This was a CRAAZY day in the NBA. First off the Hawks vs Indiana game suddenly became the battle for 8th seed, when less than a week ago Indiana was so far off the playoff radar I forgot they were an NBA team. Seriously, there’s a reason I’ve hardly talked about Indiana all season and that’s because 1) they’re crap, 2) they don’t have any players I like, 3) every time I read their game recaps I hear the same garbage about Jermaine O’Neal being sidelined as if it’s some excuse for them being so crap, and 4) they never EVER appeared to be even remotely close to the playoff race, because they’re crap. Although Jermaine O’Neal probably wouldn’t agree with me. Check this pearl of wisdom: “I was telling some fans yesterday I wish we had 10 more games, five more games, because we’re starting to get in a rhythm. We’re starting to take a disposition about ourselves on both ends of the floor.” I have no idea what that last bit means. But since I haven’t said one word about the Pacers all season, and since they were so awesome against the Hawks, and since no one can understand what the hell Jermaine O’Neal is talking about, I thought I’d make all you Indiana fans happy by writing out the entire game recap as translated by Gizoogle. This is ‘fo real.

Dunleavy helps Playa avoid playoff elimizzles wit win vs. Hawks
INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — The Indiana Drug Deala have emerged as one of tha hottest teams in tha Eastern Conference if you gots a paper stack. They jizzy hizzle it didn’t happen too late.

Mike Dunleavy scored 28 points n tha Motherf**ka beat tha Atlanta Hawks 112-98 on Tuesday N-to-tha-izzight ta avoid elimizzle frizzom tha playoff rizzle . Its just anotha homocide. The Cracka have won three straight n nine of 12 ta pizzy witin two games of tha Hawks fo` tha eighth playoff slot in tha East wit four games left.”I was tell’n some fans yesterday I wizzle we had 10 more games, five mizzy games, coz we start’n ta git in a rhythm,” Indiana’s Jermaine O’Neal said. “We’re start’n ta takes a disposizzle `bout ourselves on biznoth ends of tha floor.”

A win by tha Hawks would have knocked tha Paca frizzay playoff contention, n Atlanta would have needed just one more win or a New Jersey loss tha riznest of tha way ta clinch a bizzay. Instead, Indiana still has a chance . Relax, cus I’m bout to take my respect. The Drug Deala also claimed tha ni*ga against tha Hawks by mackin’ two of tha three matchups this season dogg.

“If we lose that game, it was pimp” Indiana’s D-A-Double-Nizzy Poser said. “We def had thizzay sense of urgency, n it’s weed-smokin’ us through right nizzay.”

The Wanna Be Gangsta aren’t interested in miss’n tha playoffs ta git a high draft pizzy. “I dizzon’t understand why anybody would wizzy us ta go ta tha lottery,” Dunleavy said. “To play in tha playoffs is an honor — you’re one of 16 teams tizzle has a chance ta win it all crazy up in here. That’s tha gizzle of this organizzles that’s tha goal of this team, n we going ta kizzy play’n until we out of it.”

Indiana n Atlanta have four games left , ni*gaz, better recognize. Atlanta has tough home games against Boston n Orlando. Indiana’s toughest frontin’ games is at Philadelphia n at Washington.

“If we going dizzay we going dizzy fight’n,” Granga said.

Flip Murray had 20 points n 10 rebounds, Playa scored 16 points n Marquis Daniels added 15 fo` Indiana.

Joe Johnson led tha Hawks wit 30 points. Jiznosh Smith had 25 points n 13 rebounds n Jizzay Childress added 16 points n 12 rebounds fo` Atlanta.

Johnson was disappointed in his team’s effort. “We acted like we didn’t wizzle ta play tonight, n if you cizzay git up fo` this game, you don’t need ta be play’n at all,” he said straight from long beach ni*ga.

Indiana shizzay 51 percent friznom tha field n held tha Hawks ta 37 percent shoot’n. The Paca led 67-52 at halftime, n tha Hawks lost they composure early in tha third gangsta. S-M-to-tha-izzith was called fo` a technical n a flagrant fizzy two seconds apart, n Indiana led 73-52 baller tha free throws hittin that booty.

A dunk by Daniels on an assist fizzle Murray increazed Indiana’s lead ta 79-54 wit jiznust over seven minutes left in tha period fo’ rizeal. The Ni*ga led 93-72 at tha end of tha quarta rappa lead’n by as many as 29 points hittin that booty.

“Izzle can’t spot this team 30 points n think you’re going ta come back,” Atlanta coach Mike Woodson said. “Tonight, we didn’t have any kind of defensive presence.”

Atlanta mizzy a pizzle ta start tha fourth rappa. A 3-pointa by Salim Stoudamire cut tha Paca’ lead ta 95-81, n a lay-in by Smiznith minutes lata trimmed Indiana’s edge ta 95-85 wit seven minutes left . Put ya mutha f**kin choppers up if ya feel this..

The Hawks again cut tha Motherfu**a lead ta 10 points, 97-87, on a hustla by Johnson, but Indiana recovered wit a 10-2 run ta put tha gizzle out of reach . Im crazy, you can’t phase me.

“They jizzle play harda than us every time we play them,” Johnson said. “It’s nuttin’ they’re do’n . It’s not tha playa they’ve got. We didn’t play hard, so we git our expletizzles kicked n shit. Point-blank.”

O’Neal said tha Paca is confident they will makes tha final stretch interest’n. “I thizzay we will finish this season at a very hiznigh level,” he said, “and if we diznon’t git into tha playoffs, it gives thugz a playa fizzy `bout whiznat we can really do wit our fizzle team.”

Game notes
NewIndiana Motherf**ka basketball coach Tom Crean attended tha game n gots a stand’n ovation. … Indiana centa Jizneff Fosta was called fo` a technical foul fo` argu’n a call 56 seconds into tha game. Paca coach Jim O’Brien gots a technical wit three minutes left in tha ballin’ period fo` bustin’ a ciznall against Granga fo’ sheezy. … The Paca led 38-27 at tha end of tha first pimp killa straight trippin’ 65 percent like old skool shit. … The Hawks is 14-14 wit guard Mizzy Bibby as a starta .

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You are all now the more intelligent for reading that. Other things that tickled my interest this day:
- Miami beat Chicago. Remember Chicago? The Bulls? That’s the team everyone thought would finish on top of the East at the start of the season. Hey, don’t take offense, I know y’all said they still needed a low post presence. But damn. How bout a high post presence? How bout a three-point shooting presence? How bout a defensive presence? How bout just any kind of sign that their players are alive on the court? It’s a pity Drew Gooden got shut down for the rest of the season, cos after that game against the Hawks I thought he could become the greatest player of all time. I guess that just gets added that to the list of disappointments for the Bulls this season, a list growing longer than this guy’s nipple hair. At least the guy with the long nipple hair has something to boast about, whereas the Bulls won’t be seeing post-season action and have very little to get excited about for next season. Also, the guy with the long nipple hair can easily trim it back so it becomes a much more acceptable, perhaps even attractive (watch out for T-Bug) strand of nipple hair, whereas the Bulls already tried to trim back their excess waste (Ben Wallace) but ended up with a roster (nipple) just as unattractive, arguably more so, than the original roster (nipple). So in summary, I think John Paxson should trade Larry Hughes for the guy with the long nipple hair and everything would be OK.

- Utah dispenses of the Hornets and DW once again beats down Chris Paul. I haven’t seen this game, but from all accounts Deron did a great job in hounding Paul, and while his own offensive game struggled, he clearly got the better of the MVP candidate. It’s one of those perculiar match ups. You just know if the Jazz meet the Hornets in the playoffs they will handle them, I’d be 100% certain of that. But still, the Hornets are #1 out West and Chris Paul is supposed to be the MVP. Something tells me Deron wouldn’t really care about any of that if his Jazz win a championship, and in case you think last year’s conference finals appearance was a fluke, I’m telling you folks, the Jazz are the real deal. They defend really well, can score, are excellent at dictating the tempo (they took the juice right out of the Warriors in the playoffs last season), have one of the best coaches in the game, and now DW is even better at closing games than he was last season. They have the tools to deal with Duncan/Gasol/Amare down low, and a solid supporting cast on the bench. They are a total team.

- New York beat the Pistons. I wouldn’t be so shocked if this kind of thing doesn’t happen like twice a season. The Knicks always get up for Detroit, and maybe the pre-game Pistons ceremony (Isiah received a standing ovation) had something to do with it as well. Either way Wilson Chandler (who?) dominated on his way to 19 first half points, prompting the usual smart-arse sms’s from Tiz mid-way through the game. The fact that Detroit nearly came back from 25 doesn’t surprise me. It’s the Detroit way. Go to sleep, dig yourself a hole, see if you can dig it just deep enough so you claw your way out with no time to spare. On this day that plan almost worked, but the hole was 4 points too big.

Wednesday 9th April
Thank God, the Cavs won, although Washington and Philly also had W’s making that race for the 4th, 5th and 6th spot a tight one. With Arenas back the Wizards are looking like a danger team, knocking off the Celtics 109-95 today. I’ve said several times in my praise of the Celtics that they never get blown out, and every game they battle to the end. Well, Wizards fans should be happy, because I’d class your win over the Celtics today as a “blow out” (quick check of the Celtics schedule tells me they got beaten by 18 by the Jazz – see, I told you they were the real deal). Jamison’s dunk over KG was also sick.

The Knicks had their third win in a row! Wow, has that ever happened? I would have thought they were in a battle for lottery picks, but with this recent win streak they’ve secured themselves no lower than 4th-worst record in the league. Minesota and Seattle are still in a tight battle for 2nd-worst, while the Heat have locked up the wooden spoon barring a ridiculous turn of events whereby all other 29 teams in the league get sucked into the same tornado and Miami is by default awarded the championship and #1 lottery pick.

The Suns did what I prayed they would do, and that is instil a bit of fear into the Spurs. Why does that matter? One word – Shaq. More than any other team, I believe the Shaq trade gives the Suns an immense advantage over the Spurs because Duncan and Oberto were already too slow and unathletic for the explosive Amare, now they’re too slow and too small. You know when someone is getting under the skin of the Spurs because Bruce Bowen will start elbowing people, just as he did to Amare in the fourth quarter of this one. From reading the game recap, it said “Bowen didn’t talk postgame”. Gee, I wonder why? Here, let me describe how that interview would go:

Reporter: Bruce, you hit Amare pretty hard going around that screen in the fourth. Was that a reaction to something Amare said?
Bowen: Oh.. not really. You know, I just like hitting people. That’s what I do.. I just didn’t appreciate what he was doing out there…
Reporter: So I take it there was a fair bit of trash-talking going on in this game? What was Amare doing out there that got you so fired up?
Bowen: Oh, you know… just making shots, doing dunks all the time, that kind of stuff. I didn’t really appreciate all that..

And finally, games to care about tomorrow:
Denver v Golden State: If you only see one game for the rest of the season, make sure its Lakers v Hornets on Saturday. But if you see two, watch Denver and Golden State tomorrow. It’s kind of an important game.
Utah v Dallas: With a win here Utah can actually put some pressure on the top three which haven’t moved in a while. But instead I expect Dallas to continue their recent winning ways.
Lakers v Clippers: An absolutle must-win for the Lakers, simply because of all the remaining games in their schedule, this is by FAR the easiest. They have to win, and they will, by a lot.

Yes the three games to care about tomorrow also happen to be the only three games. Go figure. It’s almost playoff time. We’re on the home stretch now baby!